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20 Jan

I’m not sure what I did wrong with my kids, but each of them has stolen from me at one time. Taken all of the change out of my change dish or even taken a few bills from my wallet. I don’t want to live like I am a warden in a jail, locking up my wallet and money while I am at home. I am grossly overwhelmed and ashamed that my kids would even think to steal from me.

Recently my #3 son used my debit card to purchase some credits on Facebook. I confronted him and then he did it two more times. The boys are all very aware of our precarious financial situation and this little episode resulted in our rent check being returned NSF. I cannot begin to describe my anger, disappointment and stress level.

I don’t even know how to effectively punish this situation and plan to keep said child in his room until I can calmly deal with the matter without killing him with my bare hands.

Boys 3, Mom 0


who knew?

16 Jan

Who knew that life could be really great? I seriously thought that mutually benenficial relationships were for soap operas and for those special few people who meet the three men out there who are really great.

However, I have found someone really great. My kids have settled down, I have settled down. I want to be the best woman for him because he deserves to be loved and honored to the best of my abilities.

I wish more people modeled great relationships to their children so that more of those children grew up with an expectation of greatness. I fully believe happiness for my lifetime awaits me. Yet, I am in no rush to seal the deal. I just want to explore this man fully and learn about him as much as possible so that I might learn to be his mate.

Life is good…

Back to school

29 Nov

Raising children alone is an arduous job. I became pregnant at a young age and decided in the space of a few days to raise my child, a son, and to refrain from the behaviors which stereotype most young, single mothers. My efforts over the last seventeen years, the help and advice of many friends and family as well as a firm belief in God’s power to heal and overcome have produced a valiant young man. However, as I am reminded from time to time, my work isn’t over and it hasn’t gotten any easier.
My son has ADHD, along with countless other young people in our country. Years of chasing a sometimes-out-of-control toddler and puzzling over bizarre impulsive behavior brought me to my knees many times in the privacy of my bathroom. After admitting that he needed medical assistance around the fourth grade, our lives became easier, but not easy. It has taken a steadfast adherence to my belief that children don’t need to fit a cookie cutter mold imposed by overworked educators to keep me from throwing up my hands and letting my son drift away with the herds of delinquents that roam the streets in our town. At times this has meant sitting opposite principals, teachers, school counselors and advocates demanding that the school find classroom options that work for my son. At other times, this has meant working reduced hours to drive my son to and from school and keep him from the bus which seemed to be a breeding ground for behavior issues. The solutions were never permanent and I have been forced to be creative in my efforts to help him find success.
Mostly, I have had to reinvent my own definition of success. I always assumed my kids would be adept academically, superior athletically and motivated socially. Growing up with my son has given me better perspective that people are all unique. Each created for his own purpose. We can set achievable expectations for ourselves and our children, but we cannot force our ideals, motivations and desires onto those around us, even if those around us are the children carried in our bodies for nine months.
In the last year I have seen the fruits of my labor! I have thankfully acknowledged each glimpse of maturity, wisdom and patience in my son. I no longer hope that he will fulfill all of my own unachieved dreams, but I have found the motivation to pursue those long lost dreams myself. So, as my son moves out of his academic season, I move into mine.

Fire Engine Red

25 Aug

Right after I separated from my ex-husband, I died my hair a rather audacious shade of auburn with some striking blonde highlights. I have gone through several editions of this over the summer. I recently put in very chunky blonde highlights which was fun and gave me a very edgy look.

I went to my favorite hair dresser, LiLi. I told her I wanted to get rid of the wild stuff and just go straight red, similar to my natural. I have a wedding to attend with BB on Saturday which involves me meeting his family for the first time. I wanted to look as respectable as possible to make a good impression.

Somehow, my instructions to LiLi didn’t communicate. I left her shop with fire engine red hair. No, I am not exaggerating. I knew it was bad when my son’s 15-year-old girlfriend complemented me on it. Her hair is several outlandish colors on a regular basis. Great.

Because of the hue, LiLi didn’t want to try to repair the color. We were afraid I would get orange or pink. So, I am waiting a few days… sigh. I get mixed reviews from people. Some LOVE it, mostly men who find it exotic I suppose. BB was ambivalent. He loves me so he can’t be objective. It is bright. At times I think it is striking. Other times I look like my hair is on fire especially in the sunlight.

SO, I guess I meet the family with edgy red hair. I think I can pull it off.

A day off

5 Aug

I took today off. I had tickets to the drag races that have since been given away. I went to dinner with BB last night. I will admit it publicly I am in love with this man. Didn’t see that coming so soon. We are committed to each other and taking it slow. He gives me butterflies and bee stings and I can see myself with him when we are older.

Funny that thoughts of that with the husband causes me panic and stomach cramps, “trapped with him after my kids are gone”. Yuk

The nearest Starbucks to BB’s house is 10 minutes away, 10 minutes!!!! I love small town life and living in a rural community, but 10 minutes from an iced grande non-fat chai? Construction has started on a little corner shopping center about 2 miles from his house. Hopeful that a Starbucks will go in right there.

I love my job. I work for a great company. I have great bosses and co-workers. I used to be challenged and would skip into the office with a bounce in my step, work through lunch and stay late happily expending my brain cells and energy. Of late, I have been reduced to menial data entry and entry-level administrative work. I need a challenge! A new project to wrap my brain around. I don’t want to shout that too loudly as I understand the nature of our economy and the potential for cutting fat. But, I also hate that I am working beneath my capacity.  Funny post from fellow blogger:

The boys come home tomorrow. I am so excited to see them, but a little apprehensive of correcting the habits they have learned after a month with their grandparents. I am also secretly excited to introduce them (eventually) to BB. Don’t get me wrong. I am not that mom that drags her kids through relationship after relationship. I think I have found a match for US, not just me. And, I love that they might actually get to see a real man in action and learn from him by example. Is that wrong?

Everyone’s talking about NUTS

2 Aug

Everyone’s talking about NUTS.

Fellow bloggers I like, must say a loud AMEN to her post.

Something new to sink my teeth into

26 Jul

After a couple of months of dismal boredom at work, I am finally starting to heat up. LOVE IT!

I am also ready to admit that I do want to fall in love and get married. SLOWLY with a VERY long lead time. It will likely be 5-7 years from now.  I guess that is something to sink my teeth into.

Off to my daily adventure!


20 Jul

Went to karaoke last night at a local pub with some friends. Had a great time. I love women who are comfortable enough in their own skin to laugh, hoot, holler and for the VERY brave to sing in public. Two of my co-workers have some pipes on them – hey now. So fun to watch them sing and tear it down!

It is interesting that some people with marginal voices will also attempt the karaoke. I have never been brave enough myself, nor do I fancy myself a singer. But I always find it interesting when people who have NO singing ability will subject themselves to the karaoke crowd. Sometimes it works out for them – we certainly shouted encouragement for EVERY singer. Are they unaware or do they simply don’t care? I hope it is the latter. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves.


Lessons learned

14 Jul

I don’t think I will ever figure out guys. Do they all pretend to be someone they aren’t? Are there REAL men out there?

So, I am finding a lot of comfort in my garden and plan to keep gardening and hiking this summer and keeping my heart guarded. I trusted too early and got myself hurt. But, I am a strong woman and I will bounce back.

Got a cute text message from #3 last night from his grandparents’ house. The evening thunder and lightning storms were a bit much for him and he wanted his momma – awwww. Missing the boys. But they will be home soon enough.


I guess that was really quick

13 Jul

So Mr. Perfect gets scared and runs away. Turns out stuff with his ex wasn’t exactly done. He is “protecting” me by not dragging me through his mess. Whatever.

Are there grown up men out there or have we, as a society, turned them all into detached, immature babies forever to be controlled by bad women?

I think the rest of my summer will involve more soul searching and less men (boys).

Angry… and a little sad.

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